I don’t really know who I am. I know who I want to be. I want to be, funny, kind, a great athlete, the horse girl,  and somebody people want to be around. And for me(i don’t know about anybody else), it’s hard. Keeping up with school and finals is already overwhelming, but then I have this question in my head, who am I? Well, most of the time I feel like an idiot who is mean and unforgiving. But I have this longing to just be kind and not say what I want to say. I want to change my image and become something better than that hurtful girl I don’t want to be.

I want to change my fate and smile. I want to work hard and get better grades. I want to be different, special, and unique. I want to be who I am on the inside.

When I first arrived in August, I expected it to be harder than 6th grade. It didn’t take long for my prediction to come true. By the end of September, I knew I had little hope of making it through the year. I have no right to say it was easy, and it wasn’t. But eventually I figured out that in order to live I needed friends. Now I’m not talking about friends that are nice to you and then talk about you behind your back. I’m talking about real friends, the ones that listen to you when you are depressed and you have to tell someone. The ones that make you laugh and brighten up your day. These are the friends that helped me get through the year, and if I didn’t have them I wouldn’t have made it. They lifted me up when I fell, and they encouraged me to be who I am and if someone didn’t like that then too bad!

As the year comes to an end,I have been through the tough times and happy times. I now know who my real friends are, the ones that were always there when I needed them

Photo credit: kconnors from morguefile.com
Down we plunged. Further and further, is there an end to this? I wanted to turn back, but the fluid silkiness of his voice pulled me forward. We stepped into a beautifully carved boat, and gently pushed our way through the muggy green lake. Torches on the wall, covered in cobwebs, seemed to reach out at me. Trying to burn me in an unwelcoming hatred. We are passed the point of no return.

But that voice.

I could instantly tell he was my angel. He had finally decided to appear. But the surroundings told me otherwise. Why would an angel live in a dungeon of deep sorrow and despair?

As we gradually pushed on, a gate came into view. Candles rose at of the water, but they gave the room darkness. No light shined upon his face. Just a figure in the shadows. A glorious organ stood proud and clean, used very often it seemed. Then a throne so shiny and plush in rich fabrics, it seemed to be paired with the organ. It shone a pure, sweet, and majestic light.

Then he sang something about the music of the night. How it could hold me. Sense me. Own me.

Own me.

He told me to close my eyes and surrender to my darkest dreams. Rid my mind of all thoughts that the world above gave to me. He explained that I would make his song take flight.

Then I saw the mask. I had the sudden urge to rip it off and see my angel. I did. The face was ugly, scary, and abused. I didn’t cry out in fright. I felt pity, but he screamed in a very different tone. A cry of pain that told me I poisoned everything.

What could be in the prison of his mind that he won’t share?

The color red is an interesting color. Just at the top of our color visibility. It has many meanings in our lives.

One way you could look at the color red is blood. You can feel agony or defeat. The terrible loss of war. The terrible imperfection in human arguments. It looks dark in this way. It hurts your mind and- I don’t know about you, but it makes me want to cry.

But you could also look at the color red as a part of the rainbow. The beautiful colors that God made for us. The color that is part of the stripes that tells us we are safe. The sweet sensation of the humid air that surrounds the colors after rain.

The way I look at the color red is a symbol of love. The kind that makes me smile. That makes my life feel important to this world. The support and care of family and friends. The reaction that drives us on to fulfill our lives the fullest. The color that makes me feel safe and protected.

That is the color red.